More than any other factor it is the quality and longevity of our relationships that predict a fulfilling, happy, and healthy life. Robert J. Waldinger, MD explains this major finding of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, an exceptionally rare longitudinal study in his TED Talk. “What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages of information that we've generated on these lives? Well, the lessons are not about wealth or fame or working harder and harder. The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period. We have learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are especially good for us, and loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they are physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected. And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic.” [1] We know that people who are part of the minority, which we identify as economically secure,[2] frequently complain of feeling isolated and emotionally lonely sometimes even when with members of their own family. Almost by definition being raised in an economically secure household makes one a member of a distinct and small minority. Indeed, it is a minority afforded many material and experiential advantages; however, being a member of any minority has disadvantages. The experience of isolation is perhaps the biggest disadvantage as is the fear of being negatively stereotyped. Young family members are more likely to feel wounded by being stereotyped and seen as atypical which can quickly become peculiar, strange, or weird. Younger family members find it particularly difficult to be certain why others care for them. Is it because of who they are or is it because of what they can offer others because of their economic status? “People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely” When discussing her research Dr. Suniya S. Luthar of Columbia University suggests, “whereas children rendered atypical by virtue of their parents' wealth are undoubtedly privileged in many respects, there is also, clearly, the potential for some nontrivial threats to their psychological well-being.”[3] Material advantages notwithstanding, growing up in an economically secure household, however paradoxical, increases the likelihood of feeling isolated. For parents the relevant question is: How does growing up in an economically secure household effect a child’s capacity to have “a good life” by maintaining long term relationships? [1] Robert J. Waldinger, M.D. is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. [2] We use the term economically secure as a substitute for the terms: rich, wealthy, high net worth (HNW), ultra high net worth (UHNW), for two reasons. 1) HNW and UHNW are inexact terms used in the investment industry to identify the liquid assets of a household. 2) Rich and Wealthy are poorly defined terms and frequently have negative connotations. [3] Children of the Affluent: Challenges to Well-Being Suniya S. Luthar and Shawn J. Latendresse, Teachers College, Columbia University Curr Dir Psychol Sci. 2005 February ; 14(1): 49–53. doi:10.1111/j.0963-7214.2005.00333.x. Comments are closed.
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